Setting Boundaries: How to Live Where You Work

The concept of "work-life balance" feels like a quaint, outdated notion from a world I vaguely remember. For the better part of a decade, my life has been a state of constant motion, serving as a personal assistant to an individual whose world knows no time zones and whose office is wherever we happen to be—a penthouse in New York, a sprawling villa in Bali, a yacht on the Mediterranean. I don't just work from home; I live at work. And my "workplace" is in a perpetual state of flux.

This unique lifestyle, a privilege in so many ways, comes with a profound challenge: setting boundaries when there are no physical ones. There is no 5:00 PM clock-out, no commute to decompress, no front door to close on the day's responsibilities. The line between my professional duties and my personal self can blur into non-existence if I am not fiercely protective of it.

Over the years, I have learned—often the hard way—that survival and success in this role depend entirely on my ability to build invisible walls. It’s about creating sacred spaces for myself, both physically and mentally, in a life that is, by design, entirely in service to another. This is my guide to drawing those lines, a look at the strategies that have helped me maintain my sanity and identity while living where I work.

The expectation in my role is to be available. But "available" and "always on" are two very different things. The former is a professional requirement; the latter is a recipe for burnout. The first and most critical boundary to set is a mental one.

Establishing Core "Off-Limits" Time

Even if the workday is unpredictable, I carve out non-negotiable time for myself. For me, it's the first hour of the day. From 6:00 AM to 7:00 AM, my phone is on silent. I do not check emails. This is my time to exercise, meditate, or simply have a quiet cup of tea and watch the sunrise. It doesn't matter if I'm in London or Tokyo; this hour is mine. It recalibrates my mind and sets the tone for the day, ensuring I start from a place of calm, not chaos.

The "On-Call" vs. "Actively Working" Distinction

I had to learn to differentiate between being on-call for emergencies and being actively engaged in tasks. In the evening, after my boss has retired for the night, I am technically on-call. However, I am not at my laptop planning the next day’s logistics. I am reading a book, calling my family, or watching a movie. This mental shift is crucial. It’s about giving myself permission to be "off," even if I am not entirely off-duty. Preventing burnout is an active, not passive, process.

When you live in the same residence as your employer, whether it's a hotel suite or a private estate, creating a physical boundary is essential for psychological separation.

Claiming Your Sanctuary

In any new location, my first priority is to identify and claim my personal space. In a large villa, this might be my own bedroom and bathroom. In a tighter hotel suite arrangement, it might just be a specific armchair by a window. This space becomes my sanctuary. I make it my own with small personal touches—a familiar travel candle, a photo from home, my favorite book. When I am in this space, I am "home," even if home is a temporary corner of a hotel room.

The "Costume Change" Ritual

The simple act of changing clothes can be a powerful psychological trigger. At the end of my "active working" day, I change out of my professional attire and into my own comfortable clothes. This "costume change" signals to my brain that the role of "The Traveling Assistant" is over for the day, and the role of "me" has begun. It’s a trick I learned from actors, who use costumes to get into character. I use it to get out of character.

A Personal Anecdote: The Battle for the Balcony

We were once staying in a magnificent penthouse in Dubai with a sprawling balcony that offered breathtaking views. It was a shared space. In the first few days, I found myself constantly on edge, feeling like I was always in a communal workspace. I couldn't relax.

I realized I needed to set a boundary. I had a respectful conversation with my boss's estate manager, and we agreed on a simple rule: from 8:00 PM onwards, a specific section of the balcony was designated as my private space. It was a small concession, but it changed everything. Having that guaranteed spot to sit with my tea and look at the city lights, knowing I wouldn't be interrupted, was invaluable. It taught me that clear communication is the foundation of any successful boundary.

In our hyper-connected world, the most invasive presence is often the digital one. My phone is my primary tool, but it can also be my cage. Setting digital boundaries is non-negotiable.

The Two-Phone System

Early in my career, I made the decision to have two phones: one for work and one for my personal life. The work phone is a tool. The personal phone is my connection to my family, my friends, and my own interests. At the end of the day, the work phone is put on silent and placed out of sight. This physical separation creates a powerful mental one.

The Tyranny of Notifications

I am ruthless with my notifications. On my personal phone, all work-related app notifications are turned off. On my work phone, I use custom settings to differentiate between a truly urgent call from my boss and a routine email. Not every "ping" requires an immediate response. Learning to manage digital distractions is a modern survival skill. Many resources, including those from organizations like the American Psychological Association, offer guidance on this topic.

The relationship between a personal assistant and their employer can be intensely close and personal. You are a confidante, a problem-solver, and a constant presence in their life. It can be easy to blur the lines between being a trusted employee and a friend. This is a dangerous path.

Maintaining Professional Intimacy

My relationship with my boss is one of professional intimacy. He trusts me with the most intricate details of his life, both business and personal. I honor that trust by maintaining a professional distance. I am friendly, warm, and empathetic, but I am not his friend.

Avoid Oversharing: I do not discuss my own personal problems or romantic life with my employer.
Respect Their Privacy: When he is having a private conversation, I make myself scarce. I learn to read the room and disappear when my presence is not required.
Saying "No" Gracefully: There are times when I have to politely decline an invitation to a social gathering if it crosses a professional line or infringes on my personal time. Learning how to say "no" respectfully is a critical skill.

Taking a vacation when you are a 24/7 PA is a logistical and psychological challenge. But it is essential.

The Handover Memo: Weeks before my vacation, I create an exhaustive handover document. It contains every piece of information that might be needed in my absence, from contact numbers to travel schedules and medical information.
Appointing a Backup: I coordinate with another trusted member of my boss's staff or a temporary hire to be the point person while I am away.
The "Emergency Only" Rule: My boss and his team know that they can contact me, but only in a true, dire emergency. Defining what constitutes an "emergency" is a crucial part of the pre-vacation briefing.

Truly disconnecting means trusting the systems you have put in place and giving yourself permission to not be the hero.

The glamour of my job is what people see on a blog or social media. They see the private jets, the five-star suites, and the exotic locales. What they don't see is the unseen architecture of boundaries that makes it all possible.

Setting boundaries when you live where you work is not an act of selfishness; it is an act of professional self-preservation. It is the only way to deliver high-level service over the long term without losing yourself in the process. It ensures that I can show up for my boss every day as the best version of myself—focused, energized, and fully present—because I have taken the time to replenish my own well.

These boundaries are not rigid walls designed to keep people out. They are flexible, permeable membranes that allow me to manage the flow between my work life and my inner life. They are the quiet, daily practices that allow me to be an exceptional assistant while still, and always, remaining myself.

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